I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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