Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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