you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What a dumb baby whore.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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