you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
