You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You really coming over, don't trick.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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