if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
