Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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