So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
