I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
