we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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