if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
