By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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