Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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