Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We're too hungover to prance.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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