never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
