Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
