it's too hot outside to masturbate.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
