Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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