Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
