He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
