oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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