i just sent this text using only my big toe
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
