nut hugger
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I deserve this hangover.
Text me some of your sweat
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