Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
