I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
