You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
