I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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