So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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