I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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