i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I love having hate sex.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
