I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
