well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
