i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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