Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
