Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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