The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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