I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
