i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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