I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
