Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
