and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
