how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
