I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
