Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
