It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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