Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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