his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
