oh god the rape fog is back!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
