Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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