also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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