all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
