Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
