I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
