i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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