I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
