Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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