Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I still have a little drunk in my system
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
