No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
